The easiest thing to do when you receive an invitation is to brace yourself, hope for the best, accept it, go, be nervous the entire time and run back home as soon as possible. Right? Wrong! Let me tell you how to do what is not against your conscience and how to live without going through that agony.
The options below are to be used at your own discretion with caution. Only you would know to judge the best way to handle each situation. Make your own version based on the tips below. The key is to be sincere, convincing, and confident.
01. Cite Regulations and the Current Situation
In certain instances you can refuse to attend an event citing that it would be against the regulations of your country/ company and that with the current numbers that are found, that you feel it is inappropriate for you to be at any sort of gathering.
Say something like ‘I do not mean to be a wet blanket, but with the current situation, I feel that it is better that I keep away from this event, but you can definitely count me in for the next event once things settle down.’
If it is someone close to you that you can advise, you could say ‘This is a splendid break, but with the situation in the country, you might be taking too much of a risk. Imagine if someone catches COVID at your event – I feel that you should postpone for a while. Shall we do that?’
Explain yourself a bit extra here – ‘Since it is us getting together, after a while no one will remember anything about social distancing and anyway our masks will be off our faces since we will be eating and drinking. Some of these invitees are at important junctures in their careers and if they were to fall ill, it will be chaotic.’ Basically, guide the conversation in a general tone and make the host think.
The key to success is to make sure the host does not feel bad about having started to plan an event. Instead, say that it is a fabulous idea which should be executed during a better time.
02. Explain Your Circumstances
The second option that I would personally recommend is quoting your personal situation as the excuse for declining an invitation. You could say ‘I have two little ones at home and the family is uncomfortable with me venturing out’ or ‘I live with my parents and my siblings are unhappy with me wanting to go out’ or maybe ‘I have to go to work often and my presence might make life difficult for you’. If you have any other valid reason such as an examination, a doctor’s appointment or anything that is more important for you, indicate it to the host.
03. Pull a Last Minute Cancellation ? – Keep it Out of Your Options
If you do not plan to attend an event, say so well in advance. Last minute drop outs are unprofessional and reflect poorly on your image. If you are actually feeling sick or unable to attend – that’s a different story.
This should not be how you plan to handle an invitation, irrespective of the circumstances.
At Full of Etiquette, we encourage you to keep the best interests of yourself and your loved ones at heart when you make a decision.
Remember to inform of your absence or inability to attend as soon as possible. Putting things off and waiting for a better moment might work against you.
In each of these instances, if the host takes offense or seems disturbed by your response, move to appease them. Say ‘I understand that this event is important to you and I really wish I could come, but this just may not be the best time. I don’t want you to be upset with me and I hope that things between us will not be affected by my absence. I am very sorry about it.’
Though you don’t show up, show that you care, by sending a small gift or a card to the host if the event does go ahead. It could be a small token, a bunch of flowers or a thoughtfully worded card – it shows that you care, but that you actually have a concern which prevents you from being there. Sounds like a true professional’s way of handling the matter.
All these conversations can be extremely trying and painful – but it is for a good reason. If you need help, please write to us at fullofetiquette@gmail.com and we will help in every way we can to get you out of the spot while you retain your professional composure.
Till I return with ‘Full of Etiquette’ next week, stay safe!
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Praveeni Jayasekera is the Founder and Editor of fullofetiquette.com; she is a regular advocate on the subject. She is an ACMA, CGMA; holds a BSc. Economics and Management; PG in IT and Diploma in Social Sciences. She is employed full time in the capacity of Chief Operating Officer at CL Synergy (Private) Limited; a Sri Lankan freight forwarding company. She is an ardent fan of the written word and has compiled content for numerous websites for search engine optimization (SEO) purposes, corporate profiles and blogs. She has experience in training corporate professionals on customer service and business etiquette. She conducts coaching sessions on etiquette for school children every now and then.
