The A – B – Cs of Visiting
With the pandemic still ravaging around us, you probably have no plans of visiting anyone soon. Well, all the more reason you should read this, so that you don’t forget the fine art of planning and making a visit.
In the fast-paced lives all of us lead, visiting one’s friends or relatives has to be done with consideration as time is of importance to everyone. Most people have an occupation for which they commute or attend to, from home. Even if they really don’t have an occupation everybody has a schedule for their daily activities, chores and other obligations. Therefore, let us be aware of how visiting can be done in such a way that there is no inconvenience to the host/hostess or you, the visitor.
1.Indicate an Intention to Visit
Let your friend or relative know of your intention to visit and the purpose (if it is for something particularly important). This way you provide an indication of your plans and seek their agreement in advance. Have a time agreed upon, without leaving room for assumptions, thus leading to misunderstandings. If you have a commitment during early afternoon, and therefore it is a brief visit, be considerate to mention same so as to let the host know not to prepare lunch. If this sounds alien to you, believe me, Sri Lankans adore feeding people. The pots and pans come out at the thought of visitors.
It is also thoughtful to let your host know who would be accompanying you, especially, if you will be joined by someone they do not expect.
This arrangement allows your host to be at ease to receive you and your consideration in notifying them will be appreciated. Do keep to time and inform the host if there is a delay due to an unforeseen reason.
2. Staying, Overstaying and Understaying
Once you make the visit, practice the same consideration, remember not to overstay. Generally, an hour to an hour and a half is neither too short nor too long. You may continue to stay if the host/hostess requests and it does not affect your own plans.
If you feel that the environment is not conducive for a regular visit, you may even need to cut your visit short further. Be alert to social cues and indications on the part of your host/hostess.
When you stand up to go, the host will ask you to stay on even if they don’t want to see you for the next six months. That’s a Sri Lankan behaving like a Sri Lankan – do tear away at some point in spite of their meaningless pleas to stay on.
3. Leaving
Despite your good intentions to not inconvenience the host, if the host insists on your staying longer and seems to be in no hurry to let you end the visit, it can be an inconvenience to you and your own schedule. In such situations, whilst accepting to stay a while longer with good grace (if it is acceptable as per your schedule), be upfront and let the host know that you have some plans. Burst their bubble politely; say that you would love to stay but that you have task X and responsibility Y to attend to.
When you make your intentions clear upfront, it will be easy for you to leave as you have stated, it will also let your host appreciate your willingness to wait a while longer.
4. Taking Hints
When you initially call the host to intimate your intention to visit, make sure your call to the host/hostess is not at an inconvenient time, verify this before you proceed with the call. Once you know you can proceed, declare your intention to visit without beating around the bush. At this point, be alert to any type of signal or cue from your host on whether they seem genuinely happy at the prospect or whether they seem a tad inconvenienced.
Is the day and time suggested by you, seemingly not convenient? Is there any hesitation on the part of the host, which can imply a difficulty? Offer an option if that is possible, or suggest whether you should call later to arrange a date for the visit.
Let’s hope that our days of visiting will emerge again soon. With this information, you can never go wrong with planning a visit again, no matter how long it takes for you to start calling over at friends’ or relatives’ places. Stay cheery and pray for days of visiting.
Till I return with ‘Full of Etiquette’ next week, stay safe!
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Praveeni Jayasekera is the Founder and Editor of fullofetiquette.com; she is a regular advocate on the subject. She is an ACMA, CGMA; holds a BSc. Economics and Management; PG in IT and Diploma in Social Sciences. She is employed full time in the capacity of Chief Operating Officer at CL Synergy (Private) Limited; a Sri Lankan freight forwarding company. She is an ardent fan of the written word and has compiled content for numerous websites for search engine optimization (SEO) purposes, corporate profiles and blogs. She has experience in training corporate professionals on customer service and business etiquette. She conducts coaching sessions on etiquette for school children every now and then.
